How long should sex last?
If you believe popular media, you might think that sex should last for half an hour or more. Many men are self-conscious about finishing “too soon,” because everything from Hollywood movies to magazines to pornography has led them to believe that women enjoy (and even require) extended sex sessions.
However, research published in the new book The New Naked: The Ultimate Sex Education for Grown-Ups has found that men don’t often last well into the night. In fact, the average man lasts two minutes or less.
Although that might not sound like a very long time, the good news is that women don’t seem to have complaints when it comes to their partner’s sexual response. Contrary to what you might assume, it’s not women who are bugged by short sex, but rather men. They are the ones who seem to want to last longer (and no wonder, because why rush sex when it feels good?)
Here are some ways you can help make sex last longer:
- Don’t forget to do your Kegel exercises! A recent Swedish study found that men who performed pelvic exercises for 12 weeks improved their ejaculation by five-fold. Perform these exercises by locating and isolating the muscles you use to control your urine flow. Then squeeze and release these muscles rhythmically. Build the amount you can do at each time, and vary the rhythm and pattern. In just a few weeks, you will notice you have more control over your sexual response (as well as your bladder!).
- Don’t think of sex as a means to end. When most of us think of sex, we tend to think of orgasm as the “end goal” or the point of the whole exercise. Yet it doesn’t have to be. Sex is about so much more than just an orgasm. It’s about connection, intimacy, pleasure and passion. Don’t put so much pressure on yourself to last x amount of time. Instead, think “What can I do to make my partner feel good?” Even if you reach orgasm, that doesn’t mean sex has to be over. You can continue with ‘afterplay’ in which you pleasure her and continue enjoying yourselves.
- Live a healthy lifestyle. Healthy erections are the result of healthy bloodflow, so make sure to keep your circulation flowing. Get active, hit the gym, and stay away from cigarettes. Eat a healthy diet and don’t abuse alcohol as it can affect your performance.
- Masturbate more often. Teach yourself to last longer by masturbating more often and getting more in touch with your sexual response. As you stimulate yourself, stop before you reach the point of no return (on a scale of 1-10, with orgasm being a 10, stop yourself at a around an 8). Give yourself time to calm down, then begin stimulating yourself back up the scale again. Do this again and again until you gain more control over your sexual release and you learn your ‘point of no return’ cues.
Remember, the most important thing is that you focus on your partner’s needs and desires as well your own. Your partner probably doesn’t want to have sex for hours. Instead, her focus will probably be more on the quality of the session. Is there enough foreplay and connection for her to reach climax? Do you seem present and passionate, or are you only thinking of your own pleasure? These are the factors that will impact your partner’s opinion of your sex session, not the alarm clock by the bed. And, when it comes to lasting longer in bed, just remember…practice makes perfect!
